{"id":540,"date":"2012-03-29T21:49:46","date_gmt":"2012-03-30T01:49:46","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/pierrejean.com\/?p=540"},"modified":"2020-03-14T14:50:15","modified_gmt":"2020-03-14T18:50:15","slug":"plastique-de-lacier","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/pierrejean.com\/atable\/plastique-de-lacier\/","title":{"rendered":"Plastique de l&#8217;acier"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>J&#8217;avais, de temps \u00e0 autre, puis plus r\u00e9guli\u00e8rement, une fois par semaine, deux fois par semaine, mais jamais beaucoup plus, j&#8217;avais, dis-je, attaqu\u00e9 le monceau par les flancs.<\/p>\n<p>Je m&#8217;\u00e9tais, rejetant toute armure, jet\u00e9, mains nues et \u00e9cumant de mousse, dans la bataille,\u00a0jet\u00e9 sur le tas d\u00e9goulinant, l&#8217;amoncellement \u00e0 l&#8217;assiette pr\u00e9caire, \u00e0 l&#8217;\u00e9quilibre instable.<\/p>\n<p>\u00c0 la mani\u00e8re des cascadeurs de \u00ab\u00a0Fear Factor\u00a0\u00bb<sup><a title=\"Fear Factor\" href=\"#FearFactor\">1<\/a><\/sup>, je devais \u00eatre pr\u00eat aux pires avanies. Je devais mettre ma vie en p\u00e9ril, \u00e9voluer sur un bidon lanc\u00e9 \u00e0 vive allure, sautant de droite et de gauche pour \u00e9viter que l&#8217;un ou l&#8217;autre ne tomb\u00e2t. Toucher ou barboter dans des substances oiseuses. Dominer les haut-le-c\u0153ur. Surmonter la fatigue.<\/p>\n<p>Nul n&#8217;\u00e9tait besoin de carottes pour \u00e9tudier les strates.<\/p>\n<p>Chaque libation avait laiss\u00e9 son \u00e9cot \u00e0 la s\u00e9dimentation.<\/p>\n<p>Chaque ordinaire avait marqu\u00e9 son cycle.<\/p>\n<p>La bataille de l&#8217;Atlantique, la bataille d&#8217;Angleterre, Mers-el-Kebir, Barbarossa, Pearl Harbor, Tobrouk, rien n&#8217;aurait pu pr\u00e9parer une g\u00e9n\u00e9ration tout enti\u00e8re \u00e0 la bataille \u00e0 venir!<\/p>\n<p>Deux bacs pour deux fois plus d&#8217;ampleur.<\/p>\n<p>Un fini miroir, au temps de sa splendeur.<\/p>\n<p>Un \u00e9vier en acier d&#8217;une plastique irr\u00e9prochable<\/p>\n<p>Pr\u00e9destin\u00e9, \u00e0 jamais, \u00e0 la salissure coupable.<\/p>\n<p>Tel est le champ de cet ultime combat.<\/p>\n<p>La s\u00e9paration th\u00e9\u00e2trale du lieu ne permettant l&#8217;eau chaude sur les l\u00e9gumes du c\u00f4t\u00e9 jardin, pour la r\u00e9server au c\u00f4t\u00e9 cour et sa m\u00e9tallique cohorte, on finissait toujours par trouver force casseroles emplies d&#8217;eau glac\u00e9e du mauvais c\u00f4t\u00e9.<\/p>\n<p>Mon pire ennemi en ses lieux\u00a0: le couteau de tartinade! La grande ayant d\u00e9cr\u00e9t\u00e9 que de l\u00e9cher un couteau \u00e9tait dangereux, puis la petite ayant d\u00e9cid\u00e9 que le Nutella \u00e9tait trop parfaitement accord\u00e9 \u00e0 l&#8217;instrument, ni l&#8217;une ni l&#8217;autre ne prenaient le soin de limiter les pertes chocolatesques.<br \/>\n<a href=\"https:\/\/pierrejean.com\/atable\/plastique-de-lacier\/img_0956\/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-545\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" data-attachment-id=\"545\" data-permalink=\"https:\/\/pierrejean.com\/atable\/plastique-de-lacier\/img_0956\/\" data-orig-file=\"https:\/\/pierrejean.com\/atable\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/03\/IMG_0956.jpg\" data-orig-size=\"1440,1080\" data-comments-opened=\"1\" data-image-meta=\"{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;}\" data-image-title=\"casseroles vertes\" data-image-description=\"\" data-image-caption=\"\" data-large-file=\"https:\/\/pierrejean.com\/atable\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/03\/IMG_0956-600x450.jpg\" class=\"alignright size-medium wp-image-545\" title=\"casseroles vertes\" src=\"http:\/\/pierrejean.com\/atable\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/03\/IMG_0956-350x262.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"350\" height=\"262\" srcset=\"https:\/\/pierrejean.com\/atable\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/03\/IMG_0956-350x262.jpg 350w, https:\/\/pierrejean.com\/atable\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/03\/IMG_0956-600x450.jpg 600w, https:\/\/pierrejean.com\/atable\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/03\/IMG_0956.jpg 1440w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 350px) 100vw, 350px\" \/><\/a><br \/>\nEt donc, avant d&#8217;entamer les grandes conqu\u00eates, il fallait commencer par r\u00e9parer des ans l&#8217;irr\u00e9parable outrage, nettoyer la cour, \u00e0 court d&#8217;instruments, pr\u00e9parer le jardin pour accueillir la verdure nouvelle.<\/p>\n<p>Mais le facteur Effroi (\u00ab\u00a0<em>Fear Factor<\/em>\u00a0\u00bb)\u00a0est termin\u00e9, remplac\u00e9 par le Facteur Cheval, chaque petit galet a maintenant sa place. Ce sont les nouvelles aventures de Monsieur Propre qui ont remplac\u00e9 la s\u00e9rie \u00ab trash\u00a0\u00bb et, mieux encore, aujourd&#8217;hui m\u00eame, de nouveaux amis de l&#8217;armoire magique ont fait leur apparition pour \u00e9gailler de leur couleur printani\u00e8re les r\u00e9jouissances \u00e0 venir.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"color: #ff0000; font-size: x-large;\"><em>Ceci est une fiction, toute ressemblance avec des faits ou des personnes existantes ou ayant exist\u00e9 serait tout \u00e0 fait fortuite et hors de notre contr\u00f4le.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n<p>Pendant cet interm\u00e8de, les l\u00e9gumes farcis ont cuit et il est temps de passer&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>\u00c0 table!<br \/>\n<a href=\"https:\/\/pierrejean.com\/atable\/plastique-de-lacier\/img_0958\/\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-544\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" data-attachment-id=\"544\" data-permalink=\"https:\/\/pierrejean.com\/atable\/plastique-de-lacier\/img_0958\/\" data-orig-file=\"https:\/\/pierrejean.com\/atable\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/03\/IMG_0958.jpg\" data-orig-size=\"1440,1080\" data-comments-opened=\"1\" data-image-meta=\"{&quot;aperture&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;credit&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;camera&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;caption&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;created_timestamp&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;copyright&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;focal_length&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;iso&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;shutter_speed&quot;:&quot;0&quot;,&quot;title&quot;:&quot;&quot;}\" data-image-title=\"l\u00e9gumes farcis\" data-image-description=\"\" data-image-caption=\"\" data-large-file=\"https:\/\/pierrejean.com\/atable\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/03\/IMG_0958-600x450.jpg\" class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-544\" title=\"l\u00e9gumes farcis\" src=\"http:\/\/pierrejean.com\/atable\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/03\/IMG_0958-600x450.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"600\" height=\"450\" srcset=\"https:\/\/pierrejean.com\/atable\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/03\/IMG_0958-600x450.jpg 600w, https:\/\/pierrejean.com\/atable\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/03\/IMG_0958-350x262.jpg 350w, https:\/\/pierrejean.com\/atable\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/03\/IMG_0958.jpg 1440w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p><a name=\"FearFactor\"><\/a>1) \u00ab\u00a0Fear Factor\u00a0\u00bb est une \u00e9mission am\u00e9ricaine de t\u00e9l\u00e9vision o\u00f9 des cascadeurs amateurs se mesurent \u00e0 des \u00e9preuves aussi stupides que dangereuses\u00a0: effectivement, courir sur des camions en marche et manger des denr\u00e9es p\u00e9rim\u00e9es ou des insectes vivants.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>J&#8217;avais, de temps \u00e0 autre, puis plus r\u00e9guli\u00e8rement, une fois par semaine, deux fois par semaine, mais jamais beaucoup plus, j&#8217;avais, dis-je, attaqu\u00e9 le monceau par les flancs. Je m&#8217;\u00e9tais, rejetant toute armure, jet\u00e9, mains nues et \u00e9cumant de mousse, dans la bataille,\u00a0jet\u00e9 sur le&nbsp;<a class=\"read-more\" href=\"https:\/\/pierrejean.com\/atable\/plastique-de-lacier\/\">&hellip;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":545,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"editor_plus_copied_stylings":"{}","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[170,13,8,11],"tags":[65,66],"class_list":["post-540","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-editorial","category-legume","category-traditionnel","category-viande","tag-evier","tag-farcis"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/pierrejean.com\/atable\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/03\/IMG_0956.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pbxdSo-8I","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/pierrejean.com\/atable\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/540","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/pierrejean.com\/atable\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/pierrejean.com\/atable\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pierrejean.com\/atable\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pierrejean.com\/atable\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=540"}],"version-history":[{"count":27,"href":"https:\/\/pierrejean.com\/atable\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/540\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1879,"href":"https:\/\/pierrejean.com\/atable\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/540\/revisions\/1879"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pierrejean.com\/atable\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/545"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/pierrejean.com\/atable\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=540"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pierrejean.com\/atable\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=540"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pierrejean.com\/atable\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=540"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}